‘No good deed goes unpunished’ or do you just need more creativecommunication?

February 2013 
"I was asked to write a blog for the Healthcare Business Woman's Association.  I had to think hard about what I could offer. After making a list of topics and scratching each one-off,  knowing someone it wouldn't appeal to, I decided to write about just that. There are certainly different strokes for different folks and that includes communication too..." Do you ever feel this saying is a daily mantra? At home or at work, if you interact with people this question will cross your mind.  If you interact with people who communicate differently than you, it could be a regular occurrence.  Whether you are familiar with DISC, Insights Discovery or other professional profiles, you can anticipate the best response by the 1st word of any question.   1. What (do you want me to do) 2. Who (can I connect you with)  3. Why (is this important) or  4, How (can I help).     The success of the ensuing conversation can be dependent on recognizing that word….or not. Recently a friend called to discuss a difficult and upsetting situation.  She was struggling with how to support a chronically ill relative.   She too had experienced a similar illness and although they discussed it, she was not able to establish a positive response.  After she shared a little more information, I asked if she really understood what her relative was going through, helped her find support information on-line and even ordered 2 books to be sent to her house.  She seemed more distraught after we talked than before.   Borrowing an important question from my process-oriented analytical friends; I finally asked “Why are you telling me this?”, she responded with “How, would that change your answer?” I said, “Well,  If you are asking What to do about it, I could help you find a solution.  If you are asking because you just need someone Who will listen, I would listen”.   She said, “I really just needed to know How I can feel needed”.     To which I had to admit, “Then,  I just said and did everything I shouldn't have.   I’m sorry”      Another reminder the old adage treat people the way you want to be treated, is not nearly as effective as treating them the way they want to be treated.