The Man who Saved 160 People from Suicide

Today I want to share someone inspiring with you.  His name is Don Ritchie and he had saved 160 lives in his lifetime — that’s just the official estimate. The real number is said to be 400 according to his family.

Don Ritchie

How did he do that?

Don happened to live near The Gap, an ocean cliff at Sydney. It is a popular visitor destination which has gained infamy as a suicide spot over the years. It is estimated that about 50 people end their lives here each year.^[1]

The Gap, an ocean cliff in Sydney. It’s located at the entrance to Sydney Harbor. It is a well-known place for suicides in Australia.

As individuals walked up to the cliff, looking at the crashing waves below and wondering whether to jump, Don would approach them with a smile asking, "Why don't you come and have a cup of tea?"

Accepting his offer, these people would be invited into his home where they would have a chat over tea. No counseling, no advising, no prying. Just one human being lending a listening ear to another. Some of these people had mental problems, some had medical illnesses, some are just people going through a rough patch in life. For many, a listening ear was apparently what they needed as they changed their minds about jumping after the chat, and turned back home.

As Don put it in this video,

"Over the years, whether it's a 160 [people] or 260 or somebody talking about 400 the other night, I have spoken to many, many of them just that way, of [sic] saying, 'What are you doing over here? Please, come and talk to me. Come over and have a cup of tea. Come and have a beer,' or something like that. To get them away from their mind, away from going over [the cliff] while I'm there.
And that's the selling of the idea of coming over and talk about it. 'Tell me why, what are you worried about?'
A big percentage of them came and talked to me."^[2]

This was what Don did for almost 50 years. Talking to the people who walked up the cliff and were contemplating suicide. Extending a helping hand. Giving them a listening ear. And saving countless from suicide in the process. One woman whom Don and his wife saved would write back or visit about once a year, letting them know that she is happy and well.

In 2006, Don was awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia for "service to the community through programs to prevent suicide." Him and his wife Moya were named "Citizens of the Year" for 2010 by Woollahra Council, the local government authority responsible for The Gap. He also received Local Hero Award for Australia in 2011.^[3]Don died in 2012 at a ripe old age of 86.

Don didn't manage to save everyone in his time, naturally. Some were already gone by the time he rushed to the cliff. Some rejected his invitation and jumped. Sometimes he would climb over the fence and forcibly hold them while Moya called the police. Once it almost cost his life as the woman tried to launch herself over the side, with Don being the only thing between her and the abyss!^[4]

Yet, Don didn't weigh himself down with those who were lost. He said that he could not remember the first suicide he witnessed, and none had plagued his dreams. He did his best with each person, and if he lost one, he accepted that there was nothing more he could have done.^[4]

What can we learn from Don's story?

Sometimes, in our very busy life, we tend to forget about people.

The people who need help, who are just trying to do their best to get by, who are facing their own stresses and worries.

The people who are next to us, or are behind the computer screens at the receiving end of our email/message, or are donning official roles and titles but are people nonetheless.

To these people, we may sometimes forget that they are people. Sometimes, we may think of them as objects to help us get things done. Or we may think of them as people who have it altogether, and it doesn't matter what we say to them or how we treat them -- they can deal with their own issues and emotions as we have our own problems to deal with.

But that ain't true. Every human being is a person. A person with feelings, thoughts, aspirations, fears, responsibilities, and commitments. Just as we're struggling with our problems, the person next to us, opposite us, or at the other side of the world using the internet to communicate with us also has their own problems that they are struggling with. Just because people aren't screaming about their issues or aren't walking around with a tag saying that they are stressed or frustrated doesn't mean they don't have their problems.

So how about stopping to show some kindness to a fellow person? :)

• Send a simple text to check how a friend is doing
• Start a conversation with someone
• Give a smile to a stranger or service staff
• Give a hug
• Give a genuine compliment to someone who did good work
• Give someone a call to say hi
• Lend a helping hand to someone who has a problem. For example, if you have a friend who is trying to find a job, see if they need help with their resume, or if they need pointers on job search. Or if you know someone who just went through a breakup, see if they need a listening ear or want to hang out.
• Send a thank-you note to someone who made a difference in your life
• Give a tip to someone who gave great service

So the funny thing about today’s world is that when you try to be friendly and kind, some people may think you are crazy. Some may react adversely and push you aside. Some may be busy and not be able to take you up on your offer (though that doesn’t mean they won’t do a rain check).

But there will be some people who will need this care and love, right now, right when you show it. Perhaps they don’t even know that they need it. Perhaps they may push away your offer of kindness, only to take it up soon after. Perhaps they will react with shock as they never thought someone would care, and then gratefully reciprocate.

For these people, your small little act will make a world of a difference. You may think it doesn’t matter, but it does make a big difference to them. Just as Don’s little invitation for tea and a chat may seem inconsequential to practical people of the material world, such human touch and empathy is exactly what is missing in our world today.

You never know whose life you may change in the process. And perhaps in doing so, you may end up changing your life too. 

Check out my kindness challenge, which consists of 14 tasks of kindness over 14 days: Kindness Challenge Overview

Other articles I’ve written on inspiring individuals 

• Barbie Thomas: Body Builder with No Arms, and Inspiring Mother of Two
• 11 Life Lessons to Learn From Steve Jobs
• 7 Inspiring Lessons I Learned from a Blind Stranger

View this post on  Personal Excellence

Lots of Love,
Celes

Getting Home to Florida

My 19 year old is home from college for spring break. Yesterday he went to run an errand with me. We were walking into Walgreens. I had to get something from the car and told him I'd meet him inside. When I turned around I saw him giving a great big hug to a homeless. When I passed the man he was sobbing. He told me that he just told a boy he needed 10 more dollars to get home to Florida and the boy gave him 20. The man still crying said now I can get home AND eat. I don't know if everyone who asks really need what they say they do but I'm sure some do. I'm so glad my son is happy to help because the ones who really need it make the ones who don't worth it. (I asked Zach if the 20 was from his Dad for batteries and he told me, "that's still in my pocket. The 20 I gave him was from my wallet". He's as tight -fisted as they come, so I know it he thought the man was worth it)

Powerful Psychological Forces that Make Good People do Bad Things

Powerful Psychological Forces that make Good People do Bad Things

Compassion in unexpected places

 I was told of a conversation today a friend had with an older man who lives in or near the Park.  He's Eastern European and difficult to understand, but often asks to sing when we congregate for worship.  I have no idea why he came to America, or what led him to the this Park with many of Baltimore's homeless and hopeless.
He's soft spoken and mild mannered, but his voice is anything but.  He's a strong baritone, singing songs of worship in a capella,  as if he were on stage. The first time most people hear him, his confidence and projection come as a surprise.

Today he and my friend were talking about the challenges our youth are facing. She mentioned she's from another country and is adopted. Recognizing the unending questions she may have about her past, he talked to her about who she is and the people with similar circumstances.  Without blame for anyone but the situation, he said, "You are unjustly hurting."

She was as surprised at his intuitive comment as she was her response.  I think he was probably right.  I have to ask people how one type of situation or another impacts them, I'm amazed how much this man from the other side of the world, who barely speaks English, intuitively knows.

Visitors from Philly

The Spirit was active in the park today, revealing itself in many ways.  Soon after arriving, I met a young man from Philly who was looking for jumper cables. He told me he has a 5 year old son. He and his girlfriend enlisted the help of a sibling to watch him so they could get away for the night.  They chose Baltimore.

Looking at him was like  seeing the opposite of myself. Talking with him was like seeing me years ago. He has to be in his 20's; I'll be 50 this year. He is black and I am white. He has tattoos all over his neck, I have fair skin, more pale than average. He has dark eyes, mine are green.  He was wearing all black (I usually am too) but today I had on a white.

Not having jumper cables myself, I told him I would ask others in the park.  He shortly came to find me.  My friend with cables was praying with someone, so we waited.  The man was surprised at the number of homeless in Baltimore, commenting there are a lot in Philly but not congregated like this.  He had noticed the tents, row after row, lining the side of Fallsway, just at the end of the Jones Falls expressway.  He seemed intrigued by the congregation of people and the mix of people in the Park today.   Some live there, some in nearby shelters and others used to live there and since found homes.  They come back weekly to visit or encourage friends they made in the past.

After starting his car, he asked if I had a card and walked two blocks back with me to my car.  He put it in his pocket, gave me a hug and said he would very much like to come back; to Baltimore and to the Park.  Next time he would bring both his girlfriend and their son.

I hope he does.

  

Baltimore: The Heart of the Homeless

Yesterday is one of the first cold days at church in the park in Baltimore City.  It’s both chilly and damp, a taste of what is to come in the next several months.  I grab a blanket from my trunk and wrap it around my shoulders.  Hannah is wearing a Patagonia jacket, vans or Chuck Taylors, short socks and bare ankles.  She looks colder than I am, but says she is fine.  After t an hour and a half, Hannah and I are talking with a few friends from the other side of town. One of the men comments how cold Hannah looks and offers to get her a coat from his trunk.Joe, a friend and one of the park residents, living in a tent next to I-83, is bundled in a jacket he just received, removing the tags just a few minutes before.  He smiles when we comment how nicely it matches his sweater.  Joe is telling us about a potentially dangerous encounter he had over the weekend with an acquaintances living in a nearby tent.This was followed by a premonition about being beaten and ending up in the hospital.   He said he resigned himself to praying for strength to get through it, knowing it was out of his control.  With Joe refusing to engage, the situation abated.  I ask where the man is now and Joe said he warned him of someone looking to hurt him so he left the area. Finally deciding it’s time to go home, Joe walks us to my car.  I have a size XXXL sweatshirt from Wofford College that someone gave me in the bookstore.   I gave it to Joe who had a friend who had difficulty finding clothing in his size.  Giving Joe a hug and unlocking the car, Hannah slips off the jacket she was wearing and hands it to Joe.  I had assumed another friend had an extra and left it to Hannah.   Joe had taken off his jacket to put over Hannah's shoulders.  I looked at him surprised, not recognizing the jacket as his.“That’s what my parents raised me to do,” he says as he puts in back on and with a wave, strolls back into the park.

Rebuilding Baltimore 1 soul at a time

Two weeks ago, Church in the Park's worship group was entirely different faces, few smiles... little interaction.
Usually a warm and familiar group, arms over shoulders, conversations whispered too loud, this group  was unusually quite and somber  Our Pastor and his wife were away, most regular attendees were absent and prayer was led by another group member
Two in the group, who were usually swaying on a bench, heads almost to the ground, drugged or in pain or both were held up by their friends, filling in an arc of the circle.  Periodically one would sway  to the center with her hair  almost dragging on the ground.  We continued to worship around her, wondering if she would eventually fall over.

I wondered what made them join us on that day. Their surroundings were destroyed and they were still under curfew with no were to go.  It was hot and I'm sure they were thirsty.  I started to imagine our circle expanding; lining the perimeter of the fence, every other person holding up another next to them and then I knew that was the beginning of our finest hour.

Why do we televise violence and bury beauty?

This is what didn't make the Baltimore news...


I WANT WHAT THIS GUY HAS!

It's not about religion...or service or righteousness.
It's not about homelessness, joblessness or poverty.
It's about the choice to deny apathy, fearfulness, and self-interest.

If you feel inconsequential after watching the news,..do something...pass this on!
And join us when you can. It's will be the most empowering event of your week.

Sundays in the park 9-11 am at the corner of President and Fayette Street
(If you don't live in Baltimore....I bet you have a park)


Hope from the Homeless

DO SOMETHING

Childrens' cloths

Hello my friends!
This week I am looking for clothing  a father caring for 4 children
Boys:
Dominick (3 yrs) - any 4T clothing.
Zamari (3 yrs)  3T clothing,  10 1/2 shoes

Girls:
Teekeva (4 yrs)  4T clothing (in kindergarten)
Sevyn (almost  2) - 2T clothing

pants, shirts, dresses, tights, PJ's, socks, coats, mittens, gloves and hats

If anyone has or knows someone with young children outgrowing the above sizes and would like to pass them on, please let me know.
Also, any toys for these ages would also be great!

And as usual:  Books of all kinds, primarily adult, including dictionaries and school books for GED studying are always put to good use.   Hot topics, Mystery, Autobiography and biography, Bibles, self help, sports (magazines - health, sports, excluding lacrosse, people, nat'l geographic)

Thanks!!!

A Rose by Any Other Name Couldn't Smell This Sweet

Several months after joining Church in The Park I became concerned about a park resident named Timothy.   I’d been “putting myself out there” and building relationships, as any newcomer would do.  I had successfully engaged with people through piles of books I brought most Sundays.  I always asked those who seemed interested if there were genres or authors they would enjoy.  Timothy, who sat with a few more talkative men, was not impolite, but would not look at me and spoke very little.   He never joined the prayer circle, only sat on a bench and watched us.  I was concerned I was making him uncomfortable, which was certainly not my intention.  

I expressed this concern to the Pastor’s wife who said Timothy previously challenged her on her beliefs and may not agree with what this Church stood for.   Because I was not a pastor and much less spiritually literate than the other “non-park residents”, I always made a point not to talk about religion unless it was initiated by another, and then, would only share where my journey with Christ has taken me .  If someone asked for prayer, I grabbed someone who could speak to their needs more eloquently than I.  Because of this, I was more concerned that it was something I was doing.

One day, when prayer requests were made, I asked them to pray for me.  Specifically for understanding of the park residents and wisdom to find what talents I could bring to the table each Sunday.    The prayer team is vigilant in giving every person everything they’ve got, and is often praying  long after my mind had gone elsewhere.  On this particular day, I sensed someone standing in front of me.   I opened my eyes as Timothy placed a small bottle of water with a single red rose, still in the plastic wrapping, in my hands. Then, he walked away.  Timothy had no way of hearing what prayers were given to me that day,  as I had difficulty hearing them myself and they were right next to me. 

I took a picture of the rose in full bloom later that week, sitting in the only bottle this man probably had.  Using the picture as a thank you card I told Timothy I had no idea what his relationship with God was or if he even believed in God, but it was very clear to me that God used him to send a very significant message. 

Sundays in the Park through the eyes of an 18 year old

The corner of Fayette and President Street is a hell for many people.  For me, it's starting to feel more like heaven. Some call it “Tent City,” others call it the “Church in the Park.” The people I most look forward to seeing call it home. It is a common gathering area for the homeless men and women of Baltimore City, and one that I visit every Sunday. I swap hugs  with men and women from all kinds of diverse backgrounds. Drug addicts, recovering alcoholics, and felons are living with veterans, ministers and abuse victims.  It’s not pretty and the stories are sad, but I keep going back.

 My Mother and I started attending “Church in the Park” when I was in eleventh grade after experiencing upheaval in what I considered a  normal life. We moved twice in three months, and the transition was difficult. I had not yet come to terms with the death of my best friend from a few years back and was not sure I was ready to take on any one else’s problems.  I was nervous. What if they resented me? What would I talk about? Could I trust them? I didn’t think my private school upbringing prepared me for this type of interaction.  What I was least prepared for, though, was realizing these people were some of the easiest people to talk to that I had ever met.  This gave me a sense of contentment that I didn’t know I had been missing.

My Sundays became filled with Sissy’s coffee, Panera bagels,  prayer, and most importantly new relationships.  Not only did they not resent me, they missed me when I was gone.  And I missed them.  The Church was not a traditional place of prayer, but a pavement with broken benches that made visitors feel welcome and cared for.  The benches provided a gathering place for exchanging stories or simply a way to feel connected just sitting there.

At the Church, I began to realize that life was bigger than my own personal struggles.  The fulfillment I got from exchanging jokes with a veteran who had served our country with honor was worth far more than anything money can buy. Enjoying his company and listening to his  stories not only made my day, but also showed me that helping others was something very important to me. Though it seemed like the Church members were turning to me for support, I was actually relying on them, and these experiences have changed my life.

In many ways the people in the park are considered less fortunate, but I realize I was fortunate to be able to relate with and learn from them.   They are just like me in the most basic, meaningful way and have given me the opportunity to better my life perspective. I have not only gained self-confidence in my ability to help others, but realized even the smallest selfless gesture can better my day and that of a stranger or a friend.

Kid President on Christmas gifts

Kid President is Always Worthy of Space on my Page

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/11/kid-president-gift-guide_n_4428202.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share

Just Another Day in the Park with a Broken Neck

This video was made 3 weeks ago in Baltimore.  It features Daymon Biddings, who broke is neck 14 years ago when his he was hit by a car on his bicycle.  ( My apologies to those who have been waiting to see it. He is much faster than I. It took Him 30 seconds to change a life, it took me almost 3 weeks to figure out how to post it.) 

Gal 6:9.  Let us not be weary in well doing, in due season we shall reap:   

ALS Challenge in one of Baltimore's homeless communities

Today,
Alexey Markelov, MD  UPMC Plastic Surgery
Mike Laufert, Amazon Corporate Counsel
Scott Rosenfelt, Producer/ Writer 8th Street Films
Joe Jones, Church in the Park
accepted the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!

Although contributing to the ALS challenge is the focus of this goal,  it's a far better example of how  thousands of everyday  individuals collectively have more than an everyday impact.  Whereas none of you are "everyday individuals", you can be a catalyst  for thousands who believe they are.
At the end of the proverbial day, thousands may find solutions to many of the worlds problems are right in front of us....everyday.

My hope is  for someone new in every state to participate in this challenge in the next 30 days, and to see how many Countries outside the US will accept the challenge in the same time frame.

Thank you for taking this challenge.

"We started by asking what's wrong with the world, and ended up discovering what's right with it."
                                                                                                                  -Tom Shadyac

Sundays in the Park

What follows are statements coming from Baltimore’s Church in the Park.  The park is in the city, on the corner of President and Fayette Streets.   It was once called “Tent City “and is the town hall for many of Baltimore’s homeless and hopeless. 

“That was my bench for 4 years”

 “I like mysteries,”   “Anything that’s news…”,   “Documentaries,”   “… birds,”    “A bible.”

 “I see people lying on the ground, bleeding from the mouth.   I can’t help them.  That’s what sends m back to drugs.” 

“Let me make you a cup of coffee, Baby.”

“Homelessness is real.  It’s not like what  you see on TV.” “I was given away when I was 3.” 

“My name doesn't matter.   Just call me None.” 

“I've taken so much from other people; I have to give something back.” 

And, my very favorite: “We’ll pray for you… to have joy… for your success… for your huge financial success.” 

To give context to the last statement, I heard it the first time I visited the Park.  When prayer requests were made, I requested a prayer for my brother.  They prayed for him, then they added a prayer for me.  It was for my success;  my huge financial success.   Needless to say, I was surprised and curious as to how the prayer originated.  Their prayer was the last thing I heard before we left.  It’s been 8 weeks and the only things anyone in the park has asked for was green nail polish, tampons and an alarm clock.  No one seems to care  that I drive a Lexus,  that I’m white and I don’t understand Spanish,  although most don’t have cars,  are different races and some don’t speak English.   They don’t care that I  have access to resources and that I’m a Republican (at least I don’t think). If I asked a million Americans to guess the most likely prayer they’d receive at a homeless park, I’m confident no one would say it would be for their huge financial success. WHY?    This is one of 4 questions I've asked myself repeatedly.   The other 3 are as follows:

1. Do we have to have nothing not to judge others with something?
2. Does having something to lose, prevent people with something from helping others with nothing?
3. Is it possible to convince those with something, there is much to gain from helping others with anything?

Is there something we can learn from this that can impact the physical, emotional, social and economic well being of our country?
Anyone who figures that out, along with how to reproduce these attitudes in America’s communities, might have a shot at bridging the gap that’s destroying the trust and effectiveness of our current system.
Potential Upsides of Such a Solution

• Opportunity for voluntary re-distribution of resources (from those who visit the park to those who live in the park) And can it yield far more than mandatory re-distribution which results in tax hikes and low paying community outreach programs.
• Building confidence, leadership and life skills through knowledge and validation.
• Dollars spent on over site could be used to reduce debt.
• Community service opportunities would be available to fulfill educational, professional and religious requirements.
• Communities would be served.
• Businesses would benefit through tax write offs putting more dollars into the economy.
• Leadership opportunities would be available.  
• Local crowd sourcing potential would be realized.
• Neighborhoods would become communities and communities would interact with other communities.

**See resources needed and resources available on the Words and Works pages of this website.

‘No good deed goes unpunished’ or do you just need more creativecommunication?

February 2013 
"I was asked to write a blog for the Healthcare Business Woman's Association.  I had to think hard about what I could offer. After making a list of topics and scratching each one-off,  knowing someone it wouldn't appeal to, I decided to write about just that. There are certainly different strokes for different folks and that includes communication too..." Do you ever feel this saying is a daily mantra? At home or at work, if you interact with people this question will cross your mind.  If you interact with people who communicate differently than you, it could be a regular occurrence.  Whether you are familiar with DISC, Insights Discovery or other professional profiles, you can anticipate the best response by the 1st word of any question.   1. What (do you want me to do) 2. Who (can I connect you with)  3. Why (is this important) or  4, How (can I help).     The success of the ensuing conversation can be dependent on recognizing that word….or not. Recently a friend called to discuss a difficult and upsetting situation.  She was struggling with how to support a chronically ill relative.   She too had experienced a similar illness and although they discussed it, she was not able to establish a positive response.  After she shared a little more information, I asked if she really understood what her relative was going through, helped her find support information on-line and even ordered 2 books to be sent to her house.  She seemed more distraught after we talked than before.   Borrowing an important question from my process-oriented analytical friends; I finally asked “Why are you telling me this?”, she responded with “How, would that change your answer?” I said, “Well,  If you are asking What to do about it, I could help you find a solution.  If you are asking because you just need someone Who will listen, I would listen”.   She said, “I really just needed to know How I can feel needed”.     To which I had to admit, “Then,  I just said and did everything I shouldn't have.   I’m sorry”      Another reminder the old adage treat people the way you want to be treated, is not nearly as effective as treating them the way they want to be treated.

If you haven't, and are willing....Donate Life

Written August 22, 2013
 My 40-year-old brother in-law woke up with a new liver yesterday!    It is difficult to think about the events leading to this miracle.   We are forever grateful for the surgeons and scientists who were willing to pursue an idea, commit to its possibility and make it reality, the companies who believed enough to invest in their gifts and a society who trusted the innovators and allowed it to progress.  Hats off to embracing collaboration over individual gain! The selfless donor was only 20 years old.  I know the recipients will do everything they can to make all donors and their families proud. The greatest personal impact though is that a modern-day miracle of successfully exchanging a liver still suffers by comparison to the concept and creation of the liver itself and the small role it plays in the entire system. Our family hopes our country will continue to nurture world-wide innovation so our children can experience the things that are dreams for us today. If you haven't, and you are willing...donate life.